the Holiday Season is rapidly approaching

Tonight I will pick up my son from the airport. I am so thrilled that he will be home for Christmas. And Tara and Curtis will be here too. Each year when that happens I treasure it as a precious gift.

Friday, is Tara's 30th birthday. I was hoping to have a few of her friends join us for a family birthday celebration. Alas, the December 23 birthday date is not conducive to parties. Over the years we struggled with that, but usually were able to invite enough classmates, neighbors and friends to have successful parties.

This may be the last birthday dinner where the original four of us are together as well. And again, I treasure it as a gift. And this year our family is plus one as Tara's Curtis will also join us.

I was invited to join a group of writers because of my friendship with Margaret. Margaret has chosen to not attend but I'm attending. I've only been able to attend a few times (less than 10) and already I feel like I am making new friends. It is a wonderful group of people and a wonderful feeling being around their creativity and energy. Their associations with education and teaching remind me of my student days and how each new class frequently brought new friends. Then once I began working the 40 year-rut plan, I made some new friends at work, but really stopped making new acquaintances.

Now meeting new people reminds me of how getting out in the world brings so much richness. I get to hear fun stories from their past adventures, share a worry with them about an aging friend or family member. And, I get to marvel at their creative genius as I hear new works in the formative stages. For me it can be exhilarating.

Yes, you can  color me purple, or whatever color you associate with "weird," but it is all good. I love it.

People make the holidays, even a regular Tuesday that at a quick glance appears to be a "normal" day is special if you allow it to be. My job is to remember and give each day or life a chance.

Saturday Morning

A chilly gray morning, typical for December in the Northwest.

I woke up feeling so happy today. Look around my home and you might question that. I have Christmas mess everywhere that I need to clean up. Add that mess to the normal routine things and it might seem overwhelming. But I'm getting a slow start to the day and it feels wonderful.

My kitty Rascal has decided to lean on my left hand, and keeps using his paw to carefully pull my fingers off of the keyboard. He's not a fan of multi-tasking. He seems to think mama and me time is just that. No reading, no concentrating on TV, no reading the paper. A lesson I should apply to family.

How many of us wish for do overs? The wisdom of the moment, if we pay attention the first time around, it is easier to live in the now and there might be fewer regrets. Seize the moment.

What a wonderful time of year.

Friday Reflections

A writer friend of mine said to me recently that perhaps writing about things is more than writing and also a healing process.

I've finally started putting pen to paper and have the first seed to that "Pulizer Prize" winning novel that I've been joking about writing for years. And it isn't easy. Understatement of the year. Even as I mentally try to give life to characters, and borrow on life's experiences, I uncover pain. It takes all kinds of forms, the pain I see in my beloved Nation, the pain of loss I see around me or in the news, the pain I see in folks separated from God, pain of illness, pain of aging.

But when I go a little deeper, in the midst of pain is great love. And for each loss that comes our way, a new reason to love comes if we give it a chance.

My plan for my day, to work myself ragged with Christmas preparations. Cleaning, preparing, and just getting ready. I think when I don't go overboard there is no better way to honor and respect than to do these chores with love in my heart. Perhaps a joyous soul is in the end, the greatest gift we can give to our family.

Sunday and the sun is shining

Yesterday I woke up and had a mental list of chores to accomplish. Then I had the opportunity to go for a drive and see the sun and snow. At the time we were living under a fog bank and the opportunity to see sun was something I couldn't turn down. Now I'm having my morning coffee, thinking about that chore list and the sun is streaming in the skylight.

Tonight I'm going to see the Nutcracker with Tara and need to be ready and have a few things done first. I think the chores will go easy with sunlight streaming through the windows.

And yesterday, of all things, I got to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. It was jam packed with people so that you could barely move and I totally enjoyed the experience.

What an economic miracle, the success Leavenworth has experienced. I used to say that Leavenworth was my favorite place in Washington. But that was years ago and it has doubled and tripled in size since then. I'm not sure it is still my favorite as I'm not normally fond of crowds. But the charm of the area still tugs at me from time to time and I'm lucky enough to go there now and then.

Back home again

We're back home from a trip to Hawaii. This is our third day back - and it snowed yesterday and this morning the snow was still stuck. What a change from Hawaii weather to winter in Washington - I think it is still officially fall, but it already feels like winter.

Think of the words "back home again." I think they mean a something different to everyone. When I was in the airport in Hawaii I was thinking of coming home to our house - a specific address. But I am thinking that back home again, is really when we are surrounded by people we love and who love us back. That doesn't have to be family - but it often includes family.

This time of year I start getting sentimental and my mind starts remembering many memories and people. So many loved ones have already passed on, but on the other hand new people to love come into our lives if we give them a chance.

I think "back home again" is a state of mind not a location.

All I Have is Now

My friend Bethany has an active blog, not like my blog that has zero followers. I'm watching/listening to a DVD about Benjamin Franklin. In it there is a discussion about writing and having a plan. They are talking about a plan on two levels.

One level, having a plan for a piece that one is writing.

A second level, a plan for your life. This is where goals come in. If we want to write, not only should we create an outline for our piece, but we must plan to write. Thinking about writing and writing are not the same thing.

Back to Bethany, her blog is inspiring me to write. She now has a place to write at home, and a book completed. Me -- what can I say, I've been thinking about it!

Sunday and the rain

It's Terry's birthday today. It was my great-grandmother Rendfandt's (Caroline W. Peters) birthday and my Uncle Jim's (Clarence James Becktold) birthday too.

The day is gray and rainy, although not rainy currently. Terry's being Terry. You know his litany of non-positive comments.... His back hurts though he doesn't say so, and he pops a few pain pills. I wish there were a fix. I can't believe there isn't. I suppose there might be a surgery fix ... but back surgery's aren't always so great.

He's making fried potatoes. Yummmm

I'm going to a poetry reading tonight. The first one in a long while. Billy Collins should be a great evening. Hoping Margaret enjoys the evening too. Must starting living today instead of thinking about it.

Thursday, March 24 - on age

A giant O, not just oh, or oh no, but O or OMG. Where did March go? What happened to me? Why haven't I been journaling? At least I am still in the part where I put dates. Thank goodness I haven't passed beyond that point. I'm not at my goal weight yet. And, I won't be at my goal weight by my birthday - 2 days until I'm another year older. But that is faulty like so much of our logic is these days and perhaps always was, because in 2 days I'll be two days older, a year is 365 days, I won't be 365 days older, only two days older. However, in 2 days, I will have to add 1 to my answer, if I answer, when someone asks, how old are you? Why would someone ask a 56 years minus 2 days old person how old are you? How preposterous, how disrespectful. Perhaps there is some wisdom in living in a culture without dates and years to remember. Internally, I think my thoughts are much the same as they always were. Externally, you don't have to look so close to see changes. I can't pass for 21, or 39, or 49 - maybe I can pass for 55! So would it be fashionable to say, I look pretty damn good for 55? However, with this added caveat, then would you also think if you were 45 you look like shit - then thank god I'm not 45. I guess pretty damn good is a lot better than like shit!

Yes I love experimenting with words and wondering why we say the things we say. Some of them are quite dumb in my opinion. Dumb means without speech doesn't it? And words on paper are without speech aren't they? Words on paper are not treated like words spoken so they can't be the same. Defame someone on paper and it is libel, verbally slander? hummm Yet one can have speech without words, words without a voice. The other dumb you say? Dumb as a doornail, no that is dead as a doornail - from the Christmas Carol, dumb as a brick? Yes I would say bricks are without speech unless you are reading a Stephen King novel, then the bricks might have all kinds of words, and you can bet they would frighten you within an inch of your life. Okay, so what is that, where is that point - exactly? Is that one inch from your heart, one inch from your brain, one inch from your womb that once carried life?

Back to a giant O! At least I'm not standing upstairs wondering why I walked up the stairs, or back downstairs wondering what I forgot to bring down. Wondering about words can tire the brain, but wandering up and down the stairs wondering why, can tire the soul. Where am I going? What will I find when I get there? Will I be happy? That is perhaps the easiest question so far. Amazing right? I can answer the happy question. You will not be happy when you get there if you aren't happy now. You see happy travels along as a companion, but sadness and unhappy travels along like a shadow, a blanket over your soul closing out the sun and joy. If you are not happy, you sure as hell better learn about happy before it is too late. There is a tunnel you see, or perhaps you don't see it. And the planks on the tracks are countable. There just aren't as many as there once were. For example when I was 40, I could think my life is not yet half over, because living past 80 was very possible. But now, at 56 years minus 2 days, life somehow became more than half over. The odds of living to 112 are not good. Probably can't expect 100 either. How and when did this happen? Remember the dash, you know what dash, I've talked about it before. You find it on tombstones, Jane Doe, 1955-1999 the dash is everything that happens after the beginning and before the end. I'm still in the dash, and isn't it funny the symbol is a dash and our actions are a dash - rushing around, home to work, to the grocery store, to the bank, to the gas station, to school, to daycare, to the doctor, to the hospital. A dash is a short race. Is life a short race? If it is, when do we get the flag you get before you get the checkered flag? So many questions. But for sure, I can say, if you are looking for happy, it doesn't matter where you go, if you don't take it with you, it won't be there when you get there. Dash or marathon, don't matter much to me, you might say, it don't make me no never mind. Wow I think I could write about that one all day.

It don't make me no never mind, that was a phrase I heard growing up. It was much like throw the cows over the fence some hay. Or isn't she just the cutest little fartblossom. What the heck does that mean. One might think a fartblossom would be a dirty diaper, but I ain't never heard one of those called cute - leastways not on the inside. These days they might put little purple flowers on the outside of the disposable ones just to cutesy them up a little. However, plain old white worked plenty fine, and then there would be no chance one might be in a pinch and put one of them cutesy little flowered ones on the grandson. No siree and you betcha that's good thinking. Yupper. Is it time for supper? Are you hungry? Well how about a good cup of black coffee?

All I have is now

Sunday, February 27, 2011

All I have is now is the theme I would like to use for the rest of my life. The lesson I have learned in life is make the most of now. I have lived large portions of my life planning for the future, agonizing over the past, seemingly ignoring the life I was living.

I am enjoying things more now. I am attempting to "do something" each day. Write, take a photo, live.